Twenty-One weeks and counting down...
I know, or at least I have read, that second pregnancies are just not the same as the first. Kind of like a snowflake.... No one pregnancy is the same as the other...
This one has worn me down. Not only am I working full time, coming home and taking care of a two and a half year old, but, I'm just not really into this whole pregnancy thing...
Don't get me wrong, I'm ecastic and feeling very blessed that we are having another baby!! I'm looking forward to the end result of being able to hold my baby boy but, geesshh!!! I'm really not feeling this being pregnant thing!
I read an article saying that the excitement isn't always present with the second pregnancy! Well, "they" were right. It's true how the joy of having a child erases all of the "bad" or less desirable things about pregnancy & labor/delivery. I completely forgot about how uncomfortable, exhausting, and just some times frustrating being pregnant can be!! It's not until al new symptom pops up that I just feel like screaming!! GREAT, my nose is filled with boogers and blood again today -- better get some more tissues for that!! AWESOME, I was midsentence talking to my husband and I just drooled -- that's just so sexy!! YEAH, I just love getting up in the middle of the night to pee and then having crazy insomnia for the next 3 hours -- I didn't need to function at 100% at work today anyway!!
Besides those pregnancy inconveniences, I am struggling with Anger this time around. First pregnancy I cried a lot. Forget those horribly sad ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLaughlin singing in the background... I learned how to immediately change the channel if I even sensed an abused animal was going to appear on the tv screen. The commercials that made me cry hysterically last pregnancy was the oscar myer hot dog commercial & the fancy feast commercial when the cat takes the engagement ring to the unsuspecting woman. This time I'm still very tearful and weepy, but I have a lot of anger and frustration this time around. The bad thing is, I don't mind showing it.
Typically, I'm one to handle anger appropriately. I actually don't consider myself to have many anger issues -- I can usually get over things without resorting to anger. Well, this pregnancy has brought a new person out of me. It's frustrating, disappointing, and just a drag. I can dwell on something that has made me mad for hours, even over night into the next day. And it builds up to the ponit of I just want to resort to the bedroom and be left along. Which would probably equal to a whole lot of pouting!!!
Here's just a couple of examples:
I accidently hit a parked car at the mall a couple of weeks ago. i was so mad at myself I could barely get through the evening. After I talked to the insurance company, I ate dinner (forget about cooking, it was a fast food night for sure) and then told my husband that I needed to go to my room! I was that upset that I felt the need to isolate! I stomped to my room, closed the door (which I never do because there's no point with a toddler), turned out the lights, and got into bed. I was just so upset with myself that I just couldn't let it go!! Even with my husband being supportive and reassuring me that it's just a car, don't worry about it... I was fuming with anger....
Then the following week, I forgot to lock my car door and of course it gets broken into. Nothing serious was taken but I felt so anger with myself I just couldn't let it go. I went into a rant about my personal space being violated and just blew it completely out of proportion. Typically I would have handled it with some anger but, would have gotten over it.... Now I've developed some OCD and have to make sure my car doors are locked every night before bed!!
If I don't get to eat on time, it's a problem for everyone -- I have no shame of getting huffy, puffy, and grumpy about it. Will blame everyone for not being able to make a decision and just get completely and dangerously cranky!!
I know this is just a stage, and it will pass with everything else, but wow... This Second Pregnancy is just not like the first!
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